This is Anna. She forever holds my heart. |
December 1, 2013 - I've come to the strange realization that I don't know what I want. At all. Not right now. Nothing specific.
I'M LOST.
December 2, 2013 - They asked for a word or theme that would describe our growth this semester & how far the Lord has brought us. I've been thinking about it all day, but I'm coming up empty handed. Lindsey, my R.A., told me that my theme doesn't have to be happy-go-lucky because that wouldn't adequately describe my growth.
{BLIND}
This is the third time that God has touched me with "blind" this year.
The first time was in China when a four year old, blind girl named Anna touched my life. Prior to meeting her, I had decided that having a blind child wouldn't suit me very well and that "blind" wasn't really "up my alley." Every time I think of her, memories of China flash through my mind...
July 9, 2013 - I knew from the moment I found this trip that it held a lot for me, but I didn't know exactly what or how much. I thought that it was simply going to answer the yes or no question of, "Is this what God wants with my life?" Through this last month and a half, God has done more than answer that one question, He's shown me things I needed to fix, other things that I was running from.
The necklace one of my students gave me. |
Lord, I'll go where You send me.
Gather, lead and I'll follow.
God, if this is what You want, I can do this.
My answer is yes.
Isaiah 6:8 (NLT)
Then I heard the LORD asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?"
I said, "Here I am, LORD. Send me."
...It was through this blind girl that God allowed me to see.
The second time was when I was talking to Alayna about beauty and makeup and all the time, money, and effort we put into it. Alyana has a beautiful, blind girl in her prayer group. Her name is Brittney and she has a heart of gold. With a simple thought, she's touched my life and she doesn't even know it: "I've never once worn makeup. I can't see to put it on, and I can't see it on you guys, but you're all absolutely beautiful."
So when the ladies on my leadership team started sharing a word that described their growth, I began to get nervous - I still had no idea how much to describe my growth this semester. Then it hit me: BLIND. This semester has been full of challenges and my relationship with the LORD is lacking more than it has in years. I don't spend time with Him like I used to, like I should. With various thoughts and challenges, I go every day blindly stumbling along. With every doubt and every fear, I blindly step in, begging the Lord to pull me through. With many decisions that are currently large and may later be small standing in front of me, I walk along. I continue to blindly push. I'm numb. I'm clueless. I'm lost. The fog is so thick that I can barely see two steps in front of me. I peer ahead, but I can't see anything and it's so frustrating cause I don't know where to go or what turn to take, and you get to the point where you're screaming. You're going mad from the relentless fog, and you're ready to give up.
Then your toes touch the edge.
It's a cliff. A high one. With a raging river below. You hear it, but you see no further than the step in front of you. That's when I heard Him...
"Close your eyes, b...and jump."
Esther 4:14b
"Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?”