Siempre.

So I wrote this about two weeks ago...but never got it posted because I was contemplating whether to actually post this or not...so! Without further ado...

NOTE: I put some thought into posting this.  There were lots of thoughts about the problems this may cause, but there were also thoughts about the comfort and possible inspiration this may give to others.  I even asked people what they thought about it.  So...WARNING: This really happened to me.  I know it sounds crazy and farfetched.  No, I didn't exactly see the details of Christ; like it's stated in the bible, it was more of a bright white light...yet it had human form...I just knew that it was Jesus. It was simply a meeting with Christ that encouraged me and I hope it does the same for you.  If this upsets or offends you in some strange way, I don't want to hear about it, just don't read the post.  If this inspires or helps you in some way, I'd love to talk with you about it!  If it simply makes you think, "hm", "wow!" or "that's pretty chill", thanks :) I thought so too! Thanks, y'all!! xoxo -b.

We bowed our heads to pray.

Early last night, I had a moment to have a deep God talk with one of my new friends and, in this situation, God really spoke through me.  You know…those moments when He kind of just throws up words out of your mouth?

It was the closest I had felt to Him since that time on the soccer field in Costa Rica.

Actually, I had been hurting from feeling like it had been so long since I had heard from or felt God.  I knew He was still with me, but for some reason, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I was doing something wrong or seriously missing something and that’s why I hadn’t really connected with God in so long.  Who knows…

But tonight, when our speaker at Campus Church asked us to close our eyes and bow our heads, the second I closed my eyes, Jesus’s smiling face was in front of mine as my shoulders lifted and my torso squeezed tightly together due to the strength of His hug.

Baffled.

“Hey, You!” I excitedly proclaimed.

“Hey, Bridget!” He replied.

More smiles.  More hugs.  I didn’t really know how to respond to what was happening.

Honestly, I have NO idea what the speaker said in his prayer…

When He pulled me back to get a better look at me, I broke down – in my vision and in reality. 

“I’m so sorry, Daddy…” I found myself apologizing for so many things, but mostly just that it had been so long since I had really connected with Christ and had really spent time with Him.

I clung to Him, face buried in His chest, crying, apologizing.  No foreseen end to the tears.

He hugged me tight, ran His fingers through my hair, and comforted me.  When He finally spoke, Jesus said, “Bridget, it’s okay! I still love you…and I know you still love me.  Things are crazy right now, I understand.”

“Yes, but that’s no excuse!”

Still crying, I was aware that, in the real world, the congregation around me had started more worship.

I was frantically trying to come up with a time where I could promise that I would start spending time digging into the word and really trying to spend more time with God but I couldn’t think of one that I could permanently set in stone.

“Bridget…it’s okay…”

Another hug. A kiss on the forehead. One more tight squeeze, then He turned and started to walk away.

I quickly yelled after Him, “Wait!! Where are you going?!”

He smiled and came back to me, a chuckle escaped His lips.  He kissed my forehead once more then simply said, “Don’t worry; I’ll see you again soon.”

“Tonight, then?”

Another chuckle.

“Tonight.”

That smile. Another hug, another forehead kiss.

“I love you, Bridget.”

“Te amo tambien, Dios.”

“Siempre,” He stated with more truth than anyone could ever imagine.

“Siempre,” I responded, hoping that I will be able to mean it as much as any mere human can.

I came up from my position of my face in my hands and my head between my knees as I sat in a chair in the auditorium…laughing. Smiling as I wiped the tears off of my face.  Two of my dear friends had been praying over me during this time.  

We stood up and finished the last couple songs of praise to our Almighty Father, and, as I looked around, I saw Jesus standing on ground level looking up towards my high up seat.  He was smiling that smile and just watching me.  Love.  That’s what I saw.  And as I stood there, a giggle escaped my lips.  I asked Him, “What are you still doing here?”

And He told me, “I’m always here. I never leave you.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to keep my eyes open from now on.”

Another giggle. Another chuckle. That smile. That look in His eyes. Love. God’s love.

“Siempre.”