Siempre.

So I wrote this about two weeks ago...but never got it posted because I was contemplating whether to actually post this or not...so! Without further ado...

NOTE: I put some thought into posting this.  There were lots of thoughts about the problems this may cause, but there were also thoughts about the comfort and possible inspiration this may give to others.  I even asked people what they thought about it.  So...WARNING: This really happened to me.  I know it sounds crazy and farfetched.  No, I didn't exactly see the details of Christ; like it's stated in the bible, it was more of a bright white light...yet it had human form...I just knew that it was Jesus. It was simply a meeting with Christ that encouraged me and I hope it does the same for you.  If this upsets or offends you in some strange way, I don't want to hear about it, just don't read the post.  If this inspires or helps you in some way, I'd love to talk with you about it!  If it simply makes you think, "hm", "wow!" or "that's pretty chill", thanks :) I thought so too! Thanks, y'all!! xoxo -b.

We bowed our heads to pray.

Early last night, I had a moment to have a deep God talk with one of my new friends and, in this situation, God really spoke through me.  You know…those moments when He kind of just throws up words out of your mouth?

It was the closest I had felt to Him since that time on the soccer field in Costa Rica.

Actually, I had been hurting from feeling like it had been so long since I had heard from or felt God.  I knew He was still with me, but for some reason, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I was doing something wrong or seriously missing something and that’s why I hadn’t really connected with God in so long.  Who knows…

But tonight, when our speaker at Campus Church asked us to close our eyes and bow our heads, the second I closed my eyes, Jesus’s smiling face was in front of mine as my shoulders lifted and my torso squeezed tightly together due to the strength of His hug.

Baffled.

“Hey, You!” I excitedly proclaimed.

“Hey, Bridget!” He replied.

More smiles.  More hugs.  I didn’t really know how to respond to what was happening.

Honestly, I have NO idea what the speaker said in his prayer…

When He pulled me back to get a better look at me, I broke down – in my vision and in reality. 

“I’m so sorry, Daddy…” I found myself apologizing for so many things, but mostly just that it had been so long since I had really connected with Christ and had really spent time with Him.

I clung to Him, face buried in His chest, crying, apologizing.  No foreseen end to the tears.

He hugged me tight, ran His fingers through my hair, and comforted me.  When He finally spoke, Jesus said, “Bridget, it’s okay! I still love you…and I know you still love me.  Things are crazy right now, I understand.”

“Yes, but that’s no excuse!”

Still crying, I was aware that, in the real world, the congregation around me had started more worship.

I was frantically trying to come up with a time where I could promise that I would start spending time digging into the word and really trying to spend more time with God but I couldn’t think of one that I could permanently set in stone.

“Bridget…it’s okay…”

Another hug. A kiss on the forehead. One more tight squeeze, then He turned and started to walk away.

I quickly yelled after Him, “Wait!! Where are you going?!”

He smiled and came back to me, a chuckle escaped His lips.  He kissed my forehead once more then simply said, “Don’t worry; I’ll see you again soon.”

“Tonight, then?”

Another chuckle.

“Tonight.”

That smile. Another hug, another forehead kiss.

“I love you, Bridget.”

“Te amo tambien, Dios.”

“Siempre,” He stated with more truth than anyone could ever imagine.

“Siempre,” I responded, hoping that I will be able to mean it as much as any mere human can.

I came up from my position of my face in my hands and my head between my knees as I sat in a chair in the auditorium…laughing. Smiling as I wiped the tears off of my face.  Two of my dear friends had been praying over me during this time.  

We stood up and finished the last couple songs of praise to our Almighty Father, and, as I looked around, I saw Jesus standing on ground level looking up towards my high up seat.  He was smiling that smile and just watching me.  Love.  That’s what I saw.  And as I stood there, a giggle escaped my lips.  I asked Him, “What are you still doing here?”

And He told me, “I’m always here. I never leave you.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to keep my eyes open from now on.”

Another giggle. Another chuckle. That smile. That look in His eyes. Love. God’s love.

“Siempre.”

The Difference Between Listen And Hear.

Wow...so God just did something crazy awesome weird amazing...we were all sitting here, praying, just thanking God for our experiences on our trips and...I was like...yap-yap-yapping away to God about how blessed I am and how thankful I am and just everything I was soooo thankful for and all that crap and suddenly I was back on the soccer field, having my quiet time. Secluded. No people anywhere. Completely alone.  I was looking at the beautiful Costa Rican plants around me, then I closed my eyes and there wasn't a single sound except for the soft whisper of a gentle breeze. I tugged on my sweatshirt so that the sleeves hugged my hands and the hood nestled my head.  As I toyed with a lush blade of grass, eyes closed, God's whisper tickled my ear as the breeze blew by... "listen...feel my peace..." 

Inhale. Exhale. Calm. Peace.
Eyelids flutter open. I'm in the middle of the soccer field. Beautiful flowers. No people. Breezes kiss and go. Me and God. Dios en mi.
"listen...feel my peace..."
Eyes close shut. Peace. A smile grows on my lips. A breeze kisses me, then leaves to comfort others. Inhale. Exhale.
"listen...feel my peace..."
I opened my eyes and I'm back in the auditorium. Tears fill my eyes. A few escape and I feel so alone even though I'm with my team, mi familia...I'm in a room full of other teams. And I'm alone. Tears fall. Then the words echo once more.
"listen...feel my peace..."
God, help me cope with this life without forgetting all that you've done.

TOMS: A Love Story

As you read this you should know that I'm currently sitting on a bus, crying my eyes out as I leave a place I can honestly call home. We're making one last trip down the bumpy, twisting, hectic roads of the beautiful Costa Rica. At this moment, the once bright houses come across as black and gray. The bustling roads are empty. And the smiling faces now hold grimaces. The car reeks of tears and echoes with sobs. Not even a stray dog is seen wandering. It's almost as if the whole of Costa Rica is mourning with us as we leave our hearts to them. Of course, maybe it's just my tear-clouded vision blocking the reality of these sights. 
Pull yourself together, b. 
We came here two and a half weeks ago, not knowing what to expect. We were told that we'd be hosting four VBS's, cleaning the missions campus that we were residing on, and doing some activities with Cultura Vertical, the youth group that met on campus every wednesday and Saturday night. They didn't bother mentioning how much we'd fall in love with the kids.  We'd also be attending youth groups, a bonfire, a lock-in, and a trip to Volcán Poas, the volcano in Costa Rica, with Cultura. They somehow failed to mention the bonds that we would make with the Ticos-the locals-as we ventured through our two-and-a-half week long trip there as well. 
So what do TOMS have to do with any of this? Just a couple days before I left to meet my team and train at Liberty University, my dad bought my whole family each a pair of TOMS solely (no pun intended) because when you buy a pair, another is given to a child in need. While doing VBS one day, a good number of us, all owners of TOMS, noticed two little girls wearing black shoes that looked exactly like TOMS. Black with rubber soles and no label. These are the shoes that were given out when we purchased our stylish kicks. And now, some of the kids that came for hugs and their first full meal in days, are wearing the shoes that we so absent-mindedly gave to them. 
Let's be honest, I didn't miss anything about America. If someone asked me to stay in Costa Rica for any extra amount of time, I would have done it. With just the few outfits found in my suitcase. Without a doubt. They'd get a yes before they even finished their question. 
Drugs. Alcohol. Abuse. Abandonment. Hunger. Thirst. Pain. Questioning. The longing to be loved... These kids suffered from every one of these things, and more. Then they walked into these small buildings, with giant smiles on their faces. They'd hang from your arms, legs, and shoulders. They'd play with your hair, cuddle in your lap, and speak Spanish to you no matter how many times you told them, "NO HABLO ESPAÑOL!!" One of our team members said, "I don't understand how they could suffer so much, then trust us so easily." All these kids want is to be loved. And they found that in us. And I constantly pray that they'll find that in God. I pray that they'll learn that they don't have to follow the mold of drug dealing and pain, that they'll step up and make a difference in their community and change the lives of Costa Rica. With streams of tears, we said our good-byes to all four groups of kids.
But these bonds with these kids isn't where the love ends. As cheesy as this sounds, it's where it began. We met our amazing group of Ticos through the first VBS that we ran, and that night we met even more at their youth group meeting where they threw us an amazing welcome party. The night was full of dancing to songs-The Cupid Shuffle, Cha Cha Slide, and Cotton-Eyed Joe, eating Costa Rican snacks, and taking those awkward "hey I just met you!" pictures. We completed two VBS's in that first week and two youth meetings. Our attachments growing ever stronger as we really start to get to know the Ticos and our daily routines.
Wake up by 6:30 a.m. (UGH!)
Eat breakfast at seven. 
Walk to the public buses. Take two. 
Arrive at site. Set up. 
Love the kids. Say good-bye. 
Eat lunch with team and Tico helpers. 
Walk around town with Ticos. 
Take buses back. Two. 
Climb massive hill to achieve buns and thighs of steel. 
Shower. Have break. 
Devotionals with team. 
Dinner. 
Chill. In room at ten. 
Attempt sleep by midnight. 
The Ticos often came over on our breaks and would show us up in soccer and fuzbol. The first Saturday night Cultura meeting we attended, we performed our "Bring Me To Life" skit. The next morning we performed it for Hijos Del Rey church where I also had the privilege of assisting the VBS there with four of my amazing teammates. The second Wednesday night we were in CR, Cultura had a bonfire for us complete with s'mores and Spanglish worship. The second Friday night we were there, we had our lock-in with Cultura, complete with a gut-wrenching American Idol contest and an amazing Costa Rican sunrise. The second Sunday we were there, Cultura came with us to Volcán Paos, a volcano in CR. Monday morning, the team and I left for Punta Leona, a resort on the beaches of Costa Rica. Breathtaking. We zip lined through the jungle (upside down at one point!) then fried on the beach as we played Red Rover with Jesus. He won. Shocker. 
Tuesday night we returned to San Isidro Heredia - the town that we had been staying in this whole time. We dreaded this night, yet we yearned for it. It was our last night with our beloved Ticos. They had been posting Facebook statuses all day about the sad night ahead of them. It blew my mind how we could all become such close friends in two weeks when we hardly spoke each others languages. But smiles, hugs, and laughter are all the same no matter what language you speak. That night, we prayed for each others groups and danced one last time (Salsa included!). We cried and we laughed. Teased and hugged. All for the last time. Talk of visits came up, but we've all agreed that that's in God's hands. I know that a couple of my teammates and I hope to go back as Group Leaders before we finish college. We dream, but God has an almighty plan and perfect timing..so it's all up to Him. 
We were told to say good-bye at least five times before we actually pried ourselves from each others embraces and cried our good-byes. Facebook statuses of our sorrowful night galore. And sleep quickly stole us away as our tear stained cheeks and swollen eyes had had enough. 
This morning, Wednesday morning, tears could still be found here and there. We ate then cleaned campus and our rooms one last time. We emptied our suitcases and repacked to be sure that we didn't bring any Costa Rican cockroaches home with us. We ate our lunch, took in the view, loaded our luggage, said our good-byes to our amazing hosts, got on the bus and sobbed. This brings you back to the beginning of said blog. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. 
We've flown from San Jose, Costa Rica to San Salvador, El Salvador. It's 11:15 p.m. and I'm surrounded by my sleeping teammates on our flight from El Salvador back to the states. Landing can only be minutes away. 
Back in the states, we don't know what God holds for us. But we know He has a plan, and we trust in that completely. Now excited for what the future may hold, I challenge the world to bring it on. I've got a God who is everywhere, yet always with me. He's with all of us as I write this. He's with the Ticos back in Costa Rica. He's in China, India, Thailand, Africa... He's with you. You've just got to let Him in. It's the greatest love story ever told. Just say yes. Pura Vida!

Bridget Craig.  
Honourary Tica.  
Signing Out. 

close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

      Have you ever had a pet that just meant the world to you? June 8th was the one month anniversary of the death of my dog, Whistle.  You see, Whistle and I...well...we had some good times. We did some of the things you see in movies...you know, taking turns biting off pieces of a popsicle, or falling asleep on the ground with your head on your dogs side, when you cry and they put their head on your knees, or when you whisper "i love you" and they nuzzle their face to your shoulder...those super cute moments that make your heart flutter and even the manliest of men will let an "AWH" slip from behind their lips. That was us.
     Whistle walked into my house with the name "Bandit" when I was four years old.  I quickly changed his name seeing as I had just learned how to whistle, it only seemed appropriate.  Dad tried to change my mind, but, being the stubborn child I am, he walked away unsucessful.  Whistle spent a lot of his time hiding under the dining room table and chairs, and I spent my time sitting next to him, petting him, trying to coax him out.  Soon enough it went from me following him, to him following me.  I remember days when I would come home from elementary school and he'd be sitting at the screen door, anxiously awaiting my arrival...
     Being in a military family, Whistle moved three times.  He died just before his fourth move, but, because of his ill condition, he did get to visit our new home just before he passed.  He was 15 years old.  A mutt, with some obvious terrior in him.  Medium sized with a wolf-like body structure.  He had these ridiculous eyebrows that twitched when he moved his eyes.  And his facial expressions were always priceless.  My favourite is probably his look of playful disappointment..he would lay down, put his head on his paws, then twitch his eyebrows in such a way that I just KNEW he was going, "tsk, tsk, tsk...really, Bridget? really?"
     14 years after we adopted Whistle, things started going downhill. Fast.  So fast in fact, that it wouldn't hit me.  I couldn't accept it.  His nerved endings were pinched off in his hip, so he kind of dragged his feet along.  He was dying from kidney failure, so my last couple weeks with him were spent cleaning up his diarrhea.  I had to carry him up and down stairs, inside and outside, even to my room sometimes to sleep.  He slept in my room every night ever since we got him.  Soon enough my stressed and hurting mother was getting onto me for not taking him out enough to go to the bathroom or for not doing what needed to be done to help him in whatever way.  I couldn't take it.  I just couldn't accept that my childhood companion was dying.  Was in so much pain.  And the only reason he was still in that pain was because I wouldn't put him out of it for my own selfish reasons. 
     We brought him with us when we visited our new house because he was too ill to just leave him home alone for the weekend.  The two-hour trip was anything but pleasurable for him, I'm sure.  When we arrived, I carried him to the back yard and he immediately fell.  "come on, boy, you gotta get up...you gotta go to the bathroom, get your legs moving...come on..."  I remembered one day at home only a few weeks prior to this when my friend walked in on me re-filling his food bowl...I was knelt down, petting him, and whispering, "just a little while longer, baby...just stay with me a little longer..."
     One morning, he wouldn't get up.  He wouldn't move.  He wouldn't even lift his head to look at me.  He didn't wag his tail in hello.  That's when I knew..I told my mom I was done watching him suffer just because I can't let go.  She had come to this conclusion too. The next morning she called the vet's office to schedule a day to put Whistle down.  The next day, May 8, 2012, I skipped the beginning of school, wrapped my dog in a pink blanket that I slept with as a child (that my mom was so kind as to bring for us to burry him in), and I layed him on a soft table in a small room.  The vetrinarian came in and talked to us about some things and about the procedure.  I knew Whistle was ready, and I was too.  We had spent his last night sleeping on the floor next to each other, my head on his side, just like we used to.  I sat there next to him, petting him, whispering to him as the vet stuck a syringe into his front leg,"I'll make all the pain go away, you'll be all better soon...you'll see.."  She pushed in some fluids, then removed it.  He took a few more deep breaths, then his last.  My hand was on his side as I felt his heart slow down, and the last rise and fall that would ever come from my loyal friends body again. 

those awkward square hats.

last weekend i had the privilege to see my favourite cousin graduate. two nights ago i had the privilege to see my best friend graduate. last night i had the privilege to walk across the stage myself, receive my diploma, and really really officially call myself an adult. i guess. does it count yet or only when i start paying my own bills? regardless, I've taken a huge step in life. but it wasn't easy getting there. yesterday alone, i had to struggle with the pull between my GPS's directions and what i could have sworn i read online. in the end, i took uncountable u-turns, freaked out...a lot...showed up to graduation practice fifteen minutes late, went chasing after this couple that i saw walk in late (only to discover that it was one of my former co-workers and her boyfriend), and then the three of us wandered around because we had no idea where to go. who's idea was it to hold graduation in the ASU Acadome?? well, when we reached the third floor, i geniusly remembered that we are supposed to be on the first because we are IN the graduation, not spectating it. so we rush back to the elevator just to open it and be greeted by 4 football buff football players and a lovely lady. turns out they were just as confused as we were! we laughingly went back to the first floor when the largest of them all suggested we go through the kitchen door, HA! well...i think we went through the door next to it and finally found the rest of the crowd...all seated. hysterical, i eventually found my spot. (note: by this time i somehow had a Mcdonald's mocha frappe in my hands. half gone. i wonder how that happened. XD) so we practiced. i went home. i waited. and waited. ran. and waited. showered. waited. i couldn't help noticing this peculiar pile of presents with my name on them. but alas, they were not to be touched until graduation was over. thus, more waiting. finally 4:50 rolled around. i got ready and left around five and this time i didn't argue with my parent's GPS. however, traffic was relentless and, not having AC in my car, so was the heat. because of traffic, i was 20 minutes late, drenched in sweat, stressed as mess, and i still had this ridiculous collar thing that's supposed to go on my gown! to make matters better, by the time i finally got to the parking lot of the Acadome, i watched the person in front of my pull in to park, and then the police men closed the gates. "wait i have to graduate!!" "go around" "but where am i supposed to--" "GO AROUND!" so yehh. I'm not in the best condition and I'm having a cop yell at me to go around...where? i don't know my way around the ASU campus...and someone was following me! so i pulled over, talked to her, and then this mysterious person took the lead. i ended up parking three blocks down from the acadome. its 6:00. call time was 5:30. I'm walking as fast as i can in four or five inch pumps, three blocks, sweaty, pissed...and this stupid collar is still a mystery! when i finally get into the building, I'm greeted by my fellow 400-500 graduates, a teacher to help me with that dern collar, and i beautiful one hour wait. you're kidding right? you wanted us here an hour and a half early and all we're doing in that time is STANDING?!...go lions... seven rolls around. then seven thirty. and finally, I'm walking across the stage, receiving my diploma, smiling til my cheeks hurt, and never looking back. Liberty University, here i come.

how He loves.

i started out my day thinking that i would write about the one "weekiversary" that we've had our new dog. or times spent with family. or ceremonies like graduation or awards. or something else "exciting." but as we were driving home from my cousin's graduation, the song "How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band came on. and...well...if i had to pick one song to listen to for the rest of my life, this would probably be it. so this song comes on and i'm singing every word to it, eyes shut, just soaking in the moment, feeling God wrap His arms around me as i sing praises to my heavenly father...and then i fall asleep...haha...ha...yehh. but i mean, just listen...really listen to the words of this song. really listen. try to feel that love. try to understand the true meaning of "unconditional love." i truly believe that we, as humans, can never FULLY grasp that "unconditional" part. especially not to the point that we would give our only child for a bunch of people who couldnt care less. i mean, can you believe how blessed we are to have such a loving God? i for one, feel unbelievably blessed. ive got a great family. phenomenal friends. i just spent the night with my favourite cousin then saw him graduate the next day. i lost my childhood dog, but we got a new one thats just so amazing. today, as we were driving home, i even saw these people walking along the interstate cause their car broke down, and some stranger pulled over and offered them a lift. im sure they felt blessed. wouldnt the world be a better place if we could all just love each other the way God loves us? what if we started just loving each other no matter what? the fire would grow...it would spread...its hard to resist something like love. just think about it.
--over and out.

p.s. this was supposed to post yesterday...but my computer was having issues. SORRY!

well, hm...

well, i'm gonna be honest here...i'm not entirely sure what to blog about...where to start...or even why i'm doing this.  a good long time ago, my mom suggested that i make a blog. she claims i have writing abilities. i guess my writing can be...intriguing. hm.. well, as you've probably figured out, i never got around to making said blog. i tend to procrastinate. or to just forget. or maybe i just didn't care enough at the time. but today, after 3 (or so) long hours in the car, we finally arrived to my aunt's apartment in georgia. she nonchalantly showed my moma and me her new blog like it was no big deal. mom and i went crazy and i instantly wanted to start one. (if you're interested, her blog is lthouseclimber.blogspot.com...check it out!) i got really aggravated because i couldn't get this dern thing to work!! but...here i am...bloggin my way into life. to infinity and beyond.