Pharaoh, call on me..

Beautiful Song -----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9_caMq_iYc

Fourty-eight hours ago, I came to the earth-shattering realization that I may not be returning to Liberty University next semester.  This broke me.

Confusion. Pain. Lonliness. Let down...again.
One hundred little blows. Enough to break me down.
Locking myself in one of the bathroom stalls, I bawled for 20 minutes straight.  I didn't understand. 

"God.. I thought this was where You wanted me.. Why are You closing all of the doors?"

Let's flashback to two years ago.. I was unsure about whether or not college was the right route for my life.  I thought about just going straight into the mission field after high school.  Almost immediately after that, I started receiving gobs of letters, phone calls, and e-mails from Liberty University, a college I had never even heard of.  After praying for some time, I told Moma that I felt like God was calling me to LU.  She took a look at the prices and stated, "Honey, if God's calling you to Liberty, God's got to pay for Liberty."
And He did.  My freshman year, I've only had to pay $102 out of my pocket.  I was blessed with a third of Daddy's GI Bill and a handful of scholarships.
Knowing that these things weren't going to pay for all four or more years, and that loans are to be avoided as much as possible when aspiring to be a missionary, Moma and I devised a plan made up of two simple steps:
1. Get a job.
2. Get a leadership position.

This plan worked perfectly because I love both of these things.  I'm a hard worker and God has really shaped my heart to lead.. and I love it.. so much.

So let's flash forward from two years ago to two days ago.  I was hurting from people.  I was hurting because I've attempted at least 35 different jobs and haven't been called in for a  single interview. I was hurting because I didn't receive the leadership position. Again. I was stressed from all the homework that comes with taking 18 credit hours. It's second semester of my freshman year and I haven't been able to rake in a single penny.  So now what, God? You're closing every door. You're cutting off every opportunity.  I'm doing my fair share of the work and You still haven't blessed me with the means to come back to study to be what You've called me to be! What the crap?!?...I just don't understand...

Here at Liberty we have this thing called "Spiritual Emphasis Week."  And by "week", Liberty actually means three days.. I still don't understand how that works...
Nonetheless, it's SEW.  Our amazing SEW speaker, Clayton King, told us that he's giving a four message series on Joseph from Genesis.
The first morning, Clayton spoke about Joseph's dreams.  Through that I gathered that if the dream has come from God, don't give up on it.  Don't focus on the dream, focus on the One who gives dreams.
The first night, Clayton spoke about Joseph's detour.. But this wasn't just any detour. Clayton calls it a "Divine Detour."  You see, Joseph's brothers were so jealous of him that they threw him into a pit and later dragged him out to sell him into slavery.  Through this, Clayton taught us that we should look for purpose in the pit because it's God saving you from something worse and saving you for something better. Detours cause us to doubt.  When things don't go the way they're planned, it's natural to doubt God and everyone and everything else along with Him.  But what we need to do is learn to doubt our doubts because God is a God of great and powerful love. He will NOT leave us. He will NEVER forsake us. HE IS and ALWAYS WILL BE.  So we need to learn to trust Him more than we expect Him to tell us what's going on.. I need to learn to trust Him more..  He knows what He's doin.. I mean, He created the freaking universe, for Pete's sake!!...so....why can't He bless me with a job? Finally, Clayton pointed out that, maybe, what looks like a detour is actually our destination.  When Joseph became a slave in Potiphar's household, he never thought for a second that Egypt was the planned destination for his life.  I assume that he expected God to get him out of there and back to his home somehow.  But God knows what He's doing.. and Joseph trusted Him through every step of the way.
The second night, tonight, Clayton spoke about Joseph's dungeon.  I swear this message was written just for me.  You see, Potiphar's wife accused Joseph of making sexual advances towards her. Because of this, Potiphar had the option to kill Joseph or imprison him.  Due to his favour and assumption of Joseph's innocense, Potiphar had Joseph thrown into a dungeon.  The thing about dungeons is that they bring discouragement: they restrict freedom, limit your movement, minimize your perspective, and make it hard to feel God.. But amidst all of this, we need to realize that the prison may be God's way of protecting and preparing us.  We'll get our answers when we're ready...and God knows when we're really and truly ready.  After two years of being in prison, Pharaoh had a dream and called for Joseph to interpret it, later moving him up to the king's palace to become the second most powerful man in all of Egypt--the moment when Joseph realized that his detour was really his destination. GOD KNOWS AND GOD WILL HAVE PHARAOH CALL FOR YOU AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME! But God will not free you until He has fully formed you.  So many people quit before they get to the palace.. don't give up!

With all of this on my mind, I left SEW tonight a little bit early and headed to the place where I always go to get perspective: the ledge in front of DeMoss.  In 20 degree weather, I layed down outside, hung my head off the edge, and viewed the world in a new way, thus, viewing my problems in a new way.  I prayed.  I sang praises.  I looked up at the few stars that you can see in the city.  I relished the glow of the moon.  I realized the blessings and the love of Christ that I have in my life.  More than anything though, I realized that I have hope.  I have a God with a crazy, unimagineable plan.  I just need to trust Him while I'm locked in the dungeon because, if I follow Him, He will cause the Pharaoh to call on me and I will move up to the palace.

As I watched my breath escape my lips into the frigid air, I felt the warmth of Christ surround me.
I'm staying here. I have hope. I trust you, Lord.
Utter bliss.  Ultimate peace.